i know i have a few american readers (hay, guys :D) so i will explain who Miranda is. In England we have a sitcom called Miranda. she is a 40 something woman with the best of intention's but is hopeless in any form of social situation. its full off typical English self deprecating sarcasm and is just genrely hysterical
now , i feel that me and this women have a lot in common (namely , i am a cluz and embarrass myself on far to regular a basis)
so hear goes .. Lauren's top five classic Miranda moments
1) the cat that almost got the cream (but spilled it on a shag pile carpet)
so when i was around 6 years old i was around my great aunts. (now let make this plain the women docent live in a house its a castle.) for a B.B.Q and there was a table for dessert. on this table was a crystal jug of cream , just in reach of a tiny 6 year old (smooth move lady ) i cant resist strawberry's and cream never have and never will. so i try to get myself some. the jug of cream is stupidly heavy. so i drop it. not just a little.. no , i have to do it in such a way as i am basically pouring it over me and 3 inch thick shag pile carpet in the height of summer. Que very flustered posh people trying to clean carpet and me sitting there feeling rather aquward with my strawberry's and cream (well , maybe not that aquward )
2) roooooooooooooooooooose bush
so 5 year old me learning to ride a bike around our apartment's communal green. there is a slight gradient on the way into green talking a tiny slope. but silly Lauren panics and takes her feet of the pedals , also forgets to stear ,so i go forwards , very fast , until something stops me ..... a rose bush. i was putting savalon on the scratches for weeks !
3) first crushed
so 8 year old me had a first crush (aaaaaaw) he was a full 4 foot already and was in top set math....it was never gonna work out :(. we had gym just before the end of school. so we where just getting changed into normal cloths and our parents are showing up. this boy is dressed and his mum shows up to collect him. in my hast to say good buy. i run outside without my pinafore on. he laphed , i cried ... crush over
4) the sound of epic fail
so in year 7. we had a music teacher who loved to tell long boring story's and he made a joke that he was about to tell another one. i don't know why. but i though that the rest of the class would join me in an almost Shakespearean "o nooooo nooot again" , they didn't . it was just me. i have never been more afraid in my life , ever . it doesn't help that his wife was my french who happened to love me because i speak a fair bit of french, and i may have caused a domestic
5) the swingie thing of death
because i am totally cool. i spent most of my summers as a young teen at the park. there was this 2 person swing thing that if you balance right you could ride on your own. now me being me decide hay its a surf board lets stand on it. i ended up over balancing and landing flat on my face. my arm still caught in the bars i was holding on to. in the hurry to get to me one of my friends pulled on the swing ad dis located my finger and collar bone. (dont try this on at home, it ends you in a sling for the rest if the summer holidays)
so there you have it. i am a certified Miranda. just thought i would give you guys a good giggle.
Miranda .
A.K.A
what i am destined to be when i am older
lots of love
Miranda
i mean Lauren (ha see what i did there)
xx
